a page of my youth

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Hi all, it's been a while. I feel like this is a regular opening sentence for my posts, but HI! 
First of all, can you even believe that it's the last month of 2023? It makes no sense to me as to how fast this year has gone because, I genuinely can't even recall what happened before August. But at the same time, it's kind of refreshing that this is the time to start winding down, and just prepare for a well deserved fresh start. 

It's been 5 years since I started this blog, and honestly when I began I didn't know what direction I was going to take it but here we are. Starting this blog is probably the best decision I've made. It's a nice outlet to come back to every now and then when I just want to word vomit and it's also just always nice, when someone randomly stumbles across my blog and just sends a message. It makes my day. But as I look back at the beginning of this blog and just the person I was when I started - I began to realise that part of getting older is coming to terms with who we are, rather than who we could have been. 

Growing up has always been a strange concept to me because sometimes I still feel like I still have the same thoughts or anxiety about the future as I did back when I was 18 years old and I still can't seem to define myself. Even though I can think of different ways I can describe myself, I'm never sure of which version is the real me which often leads me to this endless question cycle of 'Who I'm I?' and what makes me, me? When I was younger, I always thought I would have had it all figured it out by the time I turned at least 21 - but clearly I was just easily influenced by media and the people around me that just seemed to have it together. Now, I laugh at my naive self because no one truly has it together. And it's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that it's okay. It's completely fine to not have it together or be at a stage where people thought you'd be. 

We've got to remember that we're constantly working hard to get to where we want to be. There's only so much that we can do, it's okay to keep making mistakes and we've got to always remember that it's not always our fault. It's also the universe's fault, place the blame on something else. Don't place it on yourself, I know its easier said than done but honestly the weight on my shoulders becomes a lot lighter when I remind myself that sometimes things happen for a reason and everything will fall into place. I'm doing everything that I can, living as diligently as I can without feeling discomfort. 

Give yourself a pat one the back every now and then. It's well deserved. In the time that we've been given, we're all doing the best that we can. Running as hard as we can to reach our goals. Stay happy and healthy as often as you and happy new year!


Sweena :) 

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